The return of the Samosa

An interesting piece of news said that Samosas are back in Mumbai theatres after 3 days. This is due to the death of one of the main suppliers of samosas to the theatres. May his soul rest in peace. The interesting statistics to me is to see the number of samosas that are reported to be eaten in India Mumbai, only in theatres. One can only imagine, how many of them are eaten in our city and then extrapolate it to our country and the world. Amazing. I would prefer interesting numbers like this rather than the financial projections given by analysts, who are often wrong.

Let the games begin

The Commonwealth Games have been the center of attention the last couple of months in India. From allegations of widespread corruption, money laundering, favoritism, delay in preparations, bridge collapses to what not. It looked like with the presence of snakes and other animals in the village, India had managed to create the first realistic games village for any sports event. As with everything Indian, things will work out fine in the end and life will go on. And when they are over, I hope we return back to real issues that we need to address in our beloved country.

Heat and Water

I am fairly convinced that our Geography text books need to make drastic changes in their content. No, I am not talking about the World going flat and turning the whole concept of a round world on its head. I am talking about the seasons in a year. We are taught that there are 4 seasons: Summer, Rain, Autumn and Winter. Really? At least, where I stay there seem to be only two since the last few year. And even their names need to change. The two seasons that are left with us now are “Heat” and “Water”. From the sky, only 2 things seem to be pouring : “Lots of water” and “Lots of sun”. If the educationists still want to stick to 4 seasons, I suggest the following : Water, Hot, Hotter and Hottest.

The curious case of Dry Days

The other day at night, I had to buy some stuff and went out. There seemed to be a mob of people and utter chaos on a street corner. I am not brave enough to go near any congregation of people at night, especially without reason. And I was right. The crowd, though peaceful in nature, was getting anxious to get their stock of liquor from the only liquor store in my area. But why the hurry, at 9:00 PM in the night? Well, whenever the government anticipates any trouble, they want to catch the trouble makers by surprise by declaring a dry day. A dry day is when all liquor shops and hotels (serving liquor) are mandated to keep themselves shut. So what the people were doing were lining up in numbers to get their liquor quota for the next 1-2 days. I fail to see the reason but I look at the lighter side. The government laughs their way to extra sales tax on liquor, the store owners laugh more seeing the thirsty consumers lining up at their door and the drinkers after they have consumed enough to send them tipsy, laugh louder for having beat the system. Hic Hic Hurray!

1. Taxi Drivers and Marathi language: The Maharashtra Government has announced that you cannot drive a Taxi in Mumbai unless you are read and speak Marathi. In addition to that, you will also have to be a resident for 15 yrs. We should congratulate our government and the bureaucrats working for them for devising one more scheme that will earn them money. I increasingly suspect that the only thing our planners do is to plan how to make more money for themselves. It should come as no surprise that this new rule will not change anything. Those who wish to drive a Taxi, whether they know Marathi or not will now pay a bribe to some agent and get their permit. The agent will also certify that the prospect reads and writes Marathi and has also stayed in our city for the last 15 years. So much for all these policies. In summary, these policies do three things: a) Encourage agents and middlemen to keep making money b) Encourage corruption b) Give a tight slap on the face of the common man who dares to think that things are becoming better.

2. Do we have a Prime Minister? It has been a long time since I heard anything from Manmohan Singh. Many folks call him a ‘working’ Prime Minister who wishes to let his work speak for himself rather than letting media fall all over him. I think that is a good strategy given the times that we live in. But still, as a leader you need to be visible. You need to be making statements, setting some wrongs right in the public domain. For many folks, out of sight is out of mind. And that is the sad irony for Manmohan Singh, who has got 2 full terms as a Prime Minister and should have been more forceful and visible to all of us. There is no doubt about the fact that he might be the most clean and efficient Prime Minister that we have had but India needs an iron hand at times to put people straight. What would be a better sight for all Indians then Mr. Singh himself stepping into some thorny issues and telling the so called “protectors” and “culprits” to shut up and punish them then and there. The whole country would support him, I am quite sure of that. Alas, we are a democratic society and it will never happen. That is the price that we are paying at times.

3. Global Warming: I have not been too convinced by the claims of several scientists/organizations the world over about the onslaught of Global Warming. Yes, climates have changed to a large extent in certain parts. In fact everything happens in extremes so to speak. But still things like all ice melting, dramatic and overnight catastrophes in the next 20-30 years have not convinced me in the past and in the present. It has just been my gut feel all along that the “Market of Global Warming” now means serious business and if you translate that, it means lots of money. The recent admission of the UN Panel with Dr. Pachauri is another example that highlights how stinking the motives could be with all these reports. These folks have completely lost their credibility with goof ups like this. And what suffers as a result is our environment itself. These people are the real villains instead of you and me. They need to be put inside a glacier and told not to worry since as per their report the glacier should be melting anytime soon …. so there should not be any cause for their worries.

4. The curious case of Kasab: The lone terrorist arrested in the Terrorist attack on Mumbai is making a farce of the proceedings. I am sure that at the end of it, they will pass a sentence on him and he will be punished. But what will not be lost on all those following the proceedings is the mockery that it has made of our judicial process. The statements coming out from him are hilarious and sad at the same time. Hilarious for the sheer dare devilry with which he makes it and he can do that, since we are a democracy and have a judicial system, which are good things by the way. They are sad because he denies everything and now he has even started talking in Marathi. His case seems to be reflect that of a recent English movie called “The curious case of Benjamin Button” where Brad Pitt plays out his life in reversal and moves from an old man to a young infant. Kasab seems to be now playing the same game on us. He is now reversing his life events in the way he finds it out. First he said he did not attack, then he moved a few days back and said he was strolling at Juhu when the police caught him. Now he talks in Marathi and maybe the next thing he will say is that he was a part of a school in Mumbai where he learnt it. And so on. While I hate to say this, we must acknowledge him and his team for demonstrating so effectively about how difficult it is to close what is supposed to be an “open and shut case”.  Very sad indeed.

1. No water for new high rise buildings: The Maharashtra government has announced that no water supply will be made to new high rise buildings till 2012. This is because there was poor rainfall this year in Mumbai and that if there is not enough rainfall next year, then the situation will worsen. Hence the need to not provide water to new high rises that are coming up because it will put a strain on the already pressured water system. This reasoning sounds logical on paper but only the kind that children can come up with. Several reasons why this decision does not make any sense: a) They have said that if the new building is over 7 floors, then it will not get water. So what is the reasoning behind that? Where is it written that residents of a 7 floor building might not end up wasting more water b) Nothing is being done about water leakages that are happening all over the city c) What about the water that is being clearly stolen under the guise of water tankers and providing the water to slums because of a vote bank d) The final reason is that I simply do not believe what the government says when it mentions that in 2012 when some projects get completed, water supply will be restored. On what basis? Have you even calculated how many new high rises are coming up, how many families will be staying, what their water consumption pattern will be and how that will be magically addressed by the new projects.

In short, this is a new mechanism to charge the consumer more for what they want. We have seen this artificial shortage being created for electricity all these years. And it got solved magically once the consumer was told to pay more. The same fate awaits the water supply scenario in Mumbai.

2. The rich fund the temples: There is an interesting comment made today by Tarun Tejpal in an interview. The interview was about the education system in India. One comment in particular caught my attention since it resonated so well with my own convinction of what ails our educational facilities. The comment was “The rich in India fund shrines and temples, rather than invest in educational institutions or create something of genuine value to the young of the country.” This statement is a sad reflection of what is going on in our country. The United States which is known for its educational institutions, has seen individuals come forward and start/fund these institutions so as to attract the right people. Some people argue that just giving money is not going to solve it. Ofcourse it is not going to solve it. But when you generously endow an institution with capital, you will be able to build infrastructure in terms of laboraties, equipments. You can attract world class teachers and then by providing quality education that will take its alumni further, the alumni can actually be attracted to give back to the institutions and thus the cycle grows bigger. I am not saying that all the rich in India or those who are able are not giving back to their institutions. It is also incorrect to just state that blankly. There are brilliant examples of people and organizations that are working on that in India. But so much more can be done. Educational institutes should be our temples. They are after all the temples of learning as Nehru had mentioned. Imagine how much more difference we could make if instead of diverting money towards temples, we could use them instead for education.

3. It is the time of the year: The month of December is unique in several ways. In general there is a good feeling everywhere with people winding down a bit and realizing that one more year is over. It is a moment of introspection for some, while for some it does not matter. It is a moment to slow down to some, while for some it is the beginning of dancing and parties till the new year starts. It is a moment of no work for some, while for others it is a mad finish to complete the work before the year end. It is moment to decide on some new year resolutions for some, while for others it is a moment to reflect on not having kept a single resolution. In any case, I know one thing for sure and which is that most of us will make a resolution to get fit, lose weight and eat healthy in the coming year. No wonder the Health Clubs and Gyms see a huge spike in their membership in the month of January. I guess they cannot wait for the new year to start.

4. Too many cooks spoil the broth: As I write this, the climate summit is in progress in Copenhagen. It seems to me that there are clearly two polarized groups and no points for guessing that. It is the developed v/s the developing nations. There are a total of 192 nations at the summit and multiply that with the number of delegates from each nation, and you realize how difficult it will be to agree on a set of common resolutions. I have always believed that if the result of a negotiation is favoring one side, then it cannot be deemed successful and will never be binding. And that is exactly what is going to happen over here. However most world leaders are going to pay a flying visit to the conference at the end of it and are expected to put their signatures to paper. What they finally sign … your guess is as good as mine.

1. Mumbai under water: A report today states that with the climate changes happening all over the world, by the end of the century i.e. 2100, several coastal cities of India including Mumbai will go under water. I do not think that Mumbaikar’s will be alarmed with this news because the city has been going under water every year during the rainy season. Except that this time it looks like we will be permanently under water. Frankly speaking these doomsday kind of reports do not help the matter at all. First and foremost, people are not going to care if a prediction is being made around 100 years from now. Keep all that emotional talk aside about securing the world for our children, etc. Such dialogues are for the movies and not real life. The average man on the street cares a damn about what is going to happen 100 years from now. That is a fact and the sooner we accept that, the better. What should be instead suggested are concrete steps that can be taken at a micro level and political will on the behalf of the administration to implement these suggestions. Without that, there is no point bothering if we are going under or not.

2. Hail the Cyclone: As mentioned in my earlier stray thoughts, the political class and the general administration loves a calamity. And I had mentioned how the advent of cyclone Phyan will present another opportunity for them to make money. Though our politicians must have been disappointed that the cyclone did not do too much damage, they have tried to make the most of something. Reports claim that the state government has asked for about Rs. 1100 crore from the center as cyclone relief. I am amazed at what mathematical formulas these folks used to arrive at figures. I suspect that if we look at the documents, the cost quoted might even run down to the last paise. The only thing missing is the formula that they use to calculate their commission out of all this.

3. All that glitters *must* be Gold: There seems to be no stopping the rising price of Gold. In the opening trade today, the price of Gold reached Rs. 18,400 per 10 grams. Since the last 1 month or so, prices have kept appreciating. During the weekend, I happened to pass by a street on which there are several gold merchants. And all of the shops were choc-a-bloc with customers. It almost resembled as if some free gifts were being given away. In spite of the rising prices and overall depression all around, if there is one thing people seem to be optimistic about, it is “buy more gold”. Most people feel that it represents the best investment that one can do today given the fact that gold reserves will keep depleting over time and the demand is not going to subside, at least in countries like India. I have a feeling that it is no longer making any sense to park your money in government securities when you have Gold as an option in front of you. William Shakespeare said that all that glitters is not Gold. I would like to twist that a little. Currently the only thing glittering is Gold.

4. The cost of trying to look good: Just look around you and you will find that people are going crazy in their quest to look good. Whether it is 6-pack,8-packs abdomens, vitamin shakes, beauty creams (anti-wrinkle, fairness), etc — people are willing to try out anything to look younger or should I say different from what they look currently. I believe all of us go through the emotions at some point in time to continue looking young or whatever you may call it. But at some point in time, it is important to accept who you are and be comfortable with your physical appearances. However, the reality is far different and people are willing to go to any steps. And sometimes it costs them their lives. A report here indicates that a former Miss Argentina died because of a surgery she did to give herself more firm buttocks. This is a reported case and we are not aware of many cases which are going unreported on how people have possibly damaged themselves physically to achieve a certain look. Business houses, film stars, gyms — all of them are equally guilty in taking people over the edge in this futile quest.

1. Need more, pay more: So finally it seems that there will be no more power cuts for the Mumbai suburbs and other parts of Maharashtra. Did they magically produce the extra power … no! They did what we all suspected along that there is enough power…Its just that they want you to pay more for it. And in return they guarantee, no power cuts. They have also proposed a phased plan to implement this and will start with their own definitions of who needs power first. If this was the case all along, they should have merrily increased the rates long time back and got the power. But what they have ended up doing is destroying industries, small business and ruined the daily lives of people. And to add misery to the people’s woes, they say that all this price rise will only be temporary till 2012, when Maharashtra will be power surplus. Power surplus … now that must be the most cruel joke that I have read all day.

2. Kasab gets a new lawyer: It has been a year now since the Mumbai attacks and the only attacker caught alive, is still going through the trial. And to top it all, the judge presiding over the trial has fired Kasab’s lawyer. If you read it clearly the judge says that he had to fire the lawyer because he is deliberately trying to delay the proceedings. Deliberately? Cmon, what are we talking about here? Here is a case of national significance where we need to pronounce the verdict soon and make it decisive. And the judge accuses the lawyer of deliberately trying to delay things. If the judge is indeed correct, then the lawyer should be charged with having committed a serious offense and should be punished too. This is not a small case where the judge says that I think you are not doing your job and so you go away. The whole country (if not the world) is watching and it is grave injustice to the people who have lost their family members, if the court proceedings resemble a tamasha. So if the judge and our systems are really serious, please punish the lawyer else it is becoming a joke.

3. Act now or we will act: So it seems that the US is again tired of Pakistan not doing enough and have delivered them a 2-page letter. The letter tells them that there cannot be double standards and they must walk the talk. I think if there is anyone who will have to do the walking, then it is the US. You have started a job, now you must finish it. You cannot expect rogue elements in Pakistan to complete your job for  you. I would not even blame the US for that matter. It amuses me to whom they have written the letter. To the President, to the PM, to the army, to the extremists, to Pakistan Taliban, to North West Frontier tribals … you would be as confused as the postman who had to deliver this letter. The letter since it contains what action needs to be taken, should be addressed to the person who can take the action. I am surprised that the Pakistani politicians have not yet raised the issue that Obama wrote this letter after being instigated by India. You see, Manmohan Singh had recently been to the US and he must have brain washed Obama into writing it.

4. Bank Agents: The next time you go to your favourite kirana store, please pass along to him your bank pass book too, so that he can update it for you. Yes, this scenario seems straight out of hell. Unfortunately, that is exactly what the RBI wants us to be subjected too. A vision that I call “Customer Service Hell”. The banks are pathetic enough in their customer service and with the outsourced call centres, it is all the more remote to get any work done without spending significant amounts of time and money. So they compound it, they say that all these mom and pop stores can now act as your bank agents. If the bank folks cannot do proper customer service, you can as well assume that you will be worse off if your kirana store is told to take your passbook and update it for you. They will simply pass the buck that the bank is still waiting on the item. It is common practice that for any organization whether it is a conglomerate or a small shop, it should strive to do one thing well. Just one thing. By mixing up your food grains, medical supplies with bank work is asking for trouble. Well actually, there might be a point to all this madness. How about walking into your medical shop, collect your medicines and since your medical shop owner is a bank agent too, tell him to collect the money from your account directly.

1. Sabotage at Indian Nuclear Site: There was a news item about radioactive material leak that happened at a nuclear site in India. It said that drinking water got contaminated with radioactive material. I am happy to learn that within a day or so, Mr. Kakodkar, the chairman of the Atomic Energy Commission put to rest all doubts and made it clear that it was a case of sabotage. Good, once you state the obvious and accept it, something concrete and positive can be done and that needs to include assertive action. What action gets done is something that I cannot comment on but this incident brings to light what most experts in warfare have been talking about in the last decade. They clearly state that modern wars will not be fought on a battlefield but in hideous manners, as this case of sabotage indicates. It is a good reminder to all of us that we should stop harping about whether we are safer or not? The need of the hour is to accept how vulnerable we are and come together to collectively address how we can face (forget trying to prevent) incidents like this. It will require a great change of mindset in us and our institutions to be ready to face these acts.

2. What is the cost of education? : I read an article in the Times of India that clearly confused me. The title of the article states that the Planning commission needs 7,50,000 crores to create an educational/skilled workforce of 50 crore by the year 2022. Please read it here. So on an average, it needs Rs. 15,000 /person over here. I think these folks have factored in inflation too since the plan is till the year 2022. They also claim that so far they have spent 32,000 crore on it. I tell you what: a) Considering the cost of quality education, Rs. 15000 is peanuts. b) No one has a clue where the 32,000 crore has already been spent and where we can find those skilled workforce. With planning commissions like this, it is no wonder we are all confused if any plans exists and if they exists, where are the results?

3. Castles in the Air:So the Al Burj Dubai is finally Al Broke! I am not surprised at all and I only wish I had made myself heard more clearly nearly 2 years back when I visited the country for a week. They boasted to all that half the world’s cranes are in Dubai. As you move around the city, the only thing that you see is construction and what sort of construction. To even the most unartistic of humans, it was an ugly sort of construction with skyscrapers actually jostling with each other to reach out and be seen. Every single structure was man made and at many times against the laws of nature and aesthetics. And to be frank, unless you are in a helicopter there is no way you can even make out those engineering marvels like the World, Palm, etc. If you were on the ground, you had no way of knowing if you were in the trunk , branch, twig or a leaf of the Palm. Well, it does not matter anymore …

4. Where are the board games? : Change is the only constant in this world. Remember the board games that we used to play as children: Snakes & Ladders, Ludo, Monopoly, etc. How many kids today play them? With the advent of video games and other forms of entertainment, board games are slowly being relegated to belonging to a different era. I love board games but at the same time have not been playing them at least in the recent past. But it is encouraging to note that there is a following of board gamers every now and then that I come across on the Internet or via individual tweets. If you were looking for a board game resource on the Internet, you can look at Board Game Geek, which should be a delight for anyone who loves board games. Playing a board game, I think is wholesome entertainment but with the focus on the individual form of entertainment now, it will be tough to see them being played in forms other than a video game. I can tell you one thing for sure, there is no greater joy than to knock someone out in a board game. In a computer game, there is no way you can get that feeling. So bring out the board games and roll that dice…

1. Nobel Prize for Filth: Our environment minister Mr. Jairam Ramesh has said that if there was ever a Nobel prize for filth, India would win it hands on. Read about it over here. I agree with the minister on this point. And there is nothing earth shattering that he has said. All of us know that our cities are probably among the dirtiest due to our own apathy and the administration. But what Mr. Ramesh has conveniently forgot to add is that we if there was a Nobel Prize for the dirtiest, most corrupt and may I add “filthy” politicians, then India would win that award too. Mr. Ramesh is speaking about the effect and not the cause. In the above link too, they talk about the same things like a certain majority of the population not having safe water, etc. We have been hearing that for the last several years without any plan in place to start addressing it. And filth is not going to go away with one big ‘sweeping’ act of reforms. It will take years, patience and a commitment from all of us to do something about it. So let us stop talking about the obvious and do something instead.

2.  Mobile Number portability: After years of having promised all cellular subscribers in India a “mobile number portability”, some action is seeing the light of the day. We know how this important legislation has taken years to get going. And it is pretty obvious that if implemented well, it would force the cellular service providers to get some of the act right. So finally we have some news over here, where it mentions that mobile number portability will be rolled out across most metros by December and the rest of the country by March 2010. But the devil is in the details. At a high level, they mention that you can do it for just Rs. 19 but it pays to look at the finer details and easily conclude for yourself, what a hassle it is going to be to actually change your provider. Here are the some of the finer points:

• You can only change your mobile service provider after 90 days of signing up for the service. So no matter how unhappy you are, you better wait for 90 days.
• I quote the draft legislation here “The users who wish to change their operator will have to give a written undertaking to their existing service provider for switching to a new operator. Trai has fixed a four-day window for operators to process an application.” A written undertaking, are you serious? And where does one submit it ? And what is the guarantee it will get processed in 4 days when simple requests to change plans take more that time.

This process clearly shows what ails our country today. We take years to get any decent legislation going. Then we finally get there, we discover that the fine print has clearly derailed the success of the legislation due to vested interests of the companies and the bureaucracy. This legislation unless implemented correctly is a classical case of a “Wrong Number”.

3. Football World Cup qualifiers: The last round of world cup qualifiers are done. This brings me to the question of whether India will ever qualify in my lifetime for the FIFA World Cup. I am 35 years old and at best if I remain healthy might still be around for at least another 35 years. Would that be enough to get India. What needs to be done, I have no idea. There are several suggestions from bringing in coaches, sending players abroad, starting football academies. To be frank, all of this has been tried out to a certain extent either with passion or just for the sake of doing it. It has not worked. A couple of years back, the World Cup winning coach of Brazil was asked how much time would India need to be focused if it had to make it to the World cup and his answer was  about 30 years. Just imagine 30 years of sustained efforts in the hope of qualifying. I am usually not a pessimist but at least in this regard I am convinced that we will never make it. And my explanation is broken down into the basics: a) We do not have the physique to play this tough game b) We do not have the skills c) We need team management and tactics that are taught over years to ingrain a sense of total football. Sadly, I will be left to watching a world cup, once every 4 years and imagining what would the excitement be like if we had qualified.

4. The National UID Project: The project that will get all Indians a unique identifier has been in the news due to its high profile nature. It seems that the project is not going to be easy considering that we have so many ID’s already in existence and linking them all up is an undertaking of mammoth proportions. Anything of this scale has not been attempted before. And we are also beginning to see leaks of the UID Project details. Read about it here. The article also provides a lot of other information that is worth looking at to understand the challenges facing the implementation and if they get it right, what a proud moment it will be for our country. There is also a bee line of IT firms that want a chunk of the pie in providing their services. Intense lobbying is going on by all the big names like Microsoft, Yahoo, Google, TCS, etc. Unisys is the latest to join the fray in offering its services. I have a suggestion for the UID Project. We should force all these companies to work together for the project by allocating them different regions of the country. This way they will be forced to work with each other, inter operate their software and use standards that are agreeable to all. These companies sadly do not do any of these things in the real world where they are intensely at battle with each other and hate each others products. Our National UID Project is a great opportunity now for them to join hands and work together. India has shown the world several times where in spite of so many differences among its local people, we continue to still survive as a single nation. It is time we show and force these big IT companies to work together too.